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How to Pull Yourself Out of a Psychopath’s Cesspool | Mary Biever | One Writing Mother

How to Pull Yourself Out of a Psychopath’s Cesspool

Getting sucked into a psychopath’s cesspool can be easier than you think. First you’re dazzled by the caring, charismatic leader who shows such concern for his fellow man. Then the world seems a little off – you don’t know whether it’s them or whether you put your contacts in the wrong eyes, and your focus is a little blurred.

The first step is naming your problem. You have to realize you are dealing with a psychopath. It can be difficult at times. This checklist can help:

  • If he grooms you by first giving you presents and then pressuring you to do things he wants that makes you uncomfortable, he might be a psychopath.
  • If he has a callous disregard for the law or likes to live just on the edge of it, to see how much he can get away with, he might be a psychopath.
  • If he tries to manipulate you so that you act against your core beliefs or do things that make you uncomfortable, he might be a psychopath.
  • If he lies easily and manipulates the truth on a whim, he might be a psychopath.
  • If he turns quickly on former friends and likes to harm them after the fact, he might be a psychopath. Watch carefully who he turns on. They might be others who told him no, wanted to uphold rules or laws, or set a boundary.
  • If he enjoys making people feel uncomfortable as he tries to turn their lives into his personal chess board, he might be a psychopath.
  • If he has messianic delusions of his own role in the world, he might be a psychopath.
  • If he never shows remorse or guilt, no matter what he does, he might be a psychopath. Caution: saying “I’m sorry this happened” is not showing remorse. It’s using words to manipulate out of a situation.
  • If he seems to enjoy pain or discomfort in others, he might be a psychopath.
  • If he works to convince you that you are stupid or helpless, he might be a psychopath.
Also, pay attention to your reactions with him.
  • If you set a boundary and he ignores it, he might be a psychopath.
  • If you find yourself objecting to his behavior in situations and he weasel words his way out of it, telling you “it’s in your head,” and you “misunderstood,” on a regular basis, he might be a psychopath.
  • If you tell him no and he responds with intimidation, ridicule, or harassment, he might be a psychopath.

I am neither a psychologist nor a therapist. I don’t know enough to discuss whether someone is a psychopath, a sociopath, or a narcissist.

However, I have survived the master manipulations described above and learned that there is a better, healthier way to build relationships. (Tip of the hat to my husband of 21 years.)

The end result after spending too much time with a psychopath is that you doubt your own judgment and think that you mis-judge real situations. The only way to regain your self esteem is to get away from the destructive relationship and slowly realize that you do have good judgement. When you get away, get help and learn new ways to communicate, to find people who will treat you with respect. The sooner you get away, the easier it will be to learn healthier ways to relate to people.

From my experiences, I have found that when I pull myself out of a relationship with a psychopath, there is no way to continue any sort of relationship. It becomes a constant tug of war, where talons of the past try to drag me by my heels back to an unhealthier place where I’m not respected. It’s easier to cut the cord, turn the page, and move forward.

I have also learned from my experiences – if you cut ties with a charismatic psychopath, he may try to harm your reputation. Don’t let that stop you from moving forward with your own life. You deserve to be ┬átreated well. Further, your real friends won’t believe calumny or gossip. They will stand by you.

Leave yesterday’s nightmare to yesterday’s pages. Build a whole new story today. With help, you can build one where people love, encourage, and respect each other.

There is hope for a better future. It is possible to break the chains of yesterday’s traumas and build a stronger, brighter future – not only for yourself but your children and your children’s children.

See also – We Are Not Objects

4 Responses to “How to Pull Yourself Out of a Psychopath’s Cesspool”

  1. john and rita poluchuck January 29, 2014 at 10:13 pm #

    this is good info. We lived next door to psycopaths for 8 years and it was hell. the suffering and fighting and pain they put our family through was horrible for anybody to experience. we finally moved away.

  2. Cristina April 1, 2014 at 7:13 am #

    No matter where I read about psychopathic relationships I’m constantly surprised at how similar all the stories are both to each other and mine. I’ve been in such a relationship and I find that the aftermath is just as difficult as the supposed relationship. I was never a believer in cutting people off and leaving them out of your life but I see there is no other way with these individuals. I still find their need to hurt and humiliate on purpose baffling. In the end, I guess I feel sad for them to respond to love and friendship with inflicting pain…

  3. John, Rita Poluchuck April 12, 2014 at 10:01 pm #

    you have to get away from them.. it is the only way, they are evil people who will at nothing to ruin your life. we went through this with our neighbors. they were a husband and wife, they were really sick! they tried to ruin our lives. we finally moved away from them.we feel sorry for there children..


  1. We Are Not Objects | Mary Biever | One Writing Mother - April 19, 2014

    […] See also – How to Pull Yourself Out of a Psycopath’s Cesspool […]

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